Monday, May 14, 2012

Dignity




Photos from my Floating Feathers series.
The clouds lifted over the weekend, spilling sunshine on my newly planted garden and giving promise of a bright and cheery Mothers's Day. An early morning phone call from the nursing home indicating that Dear Mamma was being sent to Emergency, OVER WROTE the beautiful day. 

12 years ago my mother had what they call a CVA, other wise known as Cerebral Vascular Accident....a massive brain hemorrhage that left her in a coma for almost 2 weeks. Despite unplugging her TWICE from support, she rallied and emerged from her coma as a butterfly speaking the Queen's English (a weird stroke thing). Over the next 4 months, after being told she was not a candidate for rehab, we taught her to eat, propel a wheelchair, dial a phone, work the TV and live again. Albeit not the life she had...a new one wheelchair bound, with only the use of one arm and one leg and half a brain, a bit muddled at first, but brilliantly capable of taking on most of the responsibilities of the other half. And she has adapted and moved on with great courage and very little fuss.

What was supposed to be a day to splash her with love and recognition, turned into a horrible day for her. She is still in Emergency with a surgery booked for next Monday. The same annoyances of past hospitalization surfaced again, but this time we were more pro-active and vocal about our expectations. Being in a wheelchair somehow makes you very little and insignificant. I want to enable her to be as visible as a standing person. After "setting the tone" this morning, I am comfortable leaving her for a bit in the care of 2 of the most delightful young nurses....a total credit to their profession. In their capable hands and age defying compassion, they are allowing Mamma to retain what shreds of dignity she has remaining. And she is confidently prompting them with her lovely British accent.

Across the countryside a few hours away, the other "Granny" is failing to thrive in her new nursing home. Do we intervene and force certain supportive measures. Do we really know her will? 

The lives of the compromised elderly gets narrower and narrower, smaller and smaller, morselling down to tidbits of life as we know it with lower expectations and poorer quality. It's a juggling act to balance someone else's quality of LIFE.

25 comments:

  1. Awww, so sorry to hear that your mothers didn't have the Mother's day celebration that they deserve.
    But just reading how you're taking care of them is in its own way a celebration of them both as mothers.
    Your thoughtfulness and caring nature were, I'm sure, a great mother's day gift.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Please know that I'm thinking about you and your Family during this time.
    Take care.
    mark

    ReplyDelete
  3. Chania, my thoughts and prayers are with your darling mother and with you too. Those two young nurses are a credit to their profession. My best wishes to M-i-L also xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. It is so challenging Chania. Good for you in being a champion for your elder family members. I have walked that road and do get it. I am proud of the nurses too. I have trained many a young nurse and do miss that part of being retired.

    ReplyDelete
  5. so sorry Chania - this is not an easy time for sure. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. j

    ReplyDelete
  6. Chania, I'm so very sorry to hear that your mother is in the hospital, and that the nursing home is not suiting your mother in law. My mother also suffered a massive stroke and it altered her life in so many ways, but like your mother she made the best of a bad situation. I send my love to both of them and also to you, as caring for those we love as they age is both satisfying and horribly difficult.

    Kat

    ReplyDelete
  7. wow chania, what an incredible story. my thoughts are with you xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Chania, I'm sorry to hear about your mom and mother-in-law. I know those can be quite challenging and stressful times for loved ones. My dad passed away in 2003 after a very long, debilitating illness with frequent hospitalizations during which he lived at home, cared for mostly by my mom and, at times, my sister or me. He hung on long after we had been told to say our good-byes. When he died, it was still heartbreaking for all of us but we truly found much comfort in knowing that we had done our best in providing or helping provide the best possible care for him. He left knowing just how much we loved him and how much he meant to each of us. My heart goes out to you as you and your family goes through these difficult times. I hope the situation improves.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm so sorry that your Mums are having a hard time. I'm praying for them and you!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello Chania

    I believe what you are doing for both mothers is admirable and the right thing to do.You are doing your best and this will be good enough.
    Many dear mothers are often forgotten by their children. Please take care of yourself too.

    Helen xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. aw sweets what a rough weekend, I'm sorry things are so difficult and scary for everyone. You are doing the very best for everyone, I just know it, and prayers will be winging up and over north very soon.
    much love,
    z

    ReplyDelete
  12. A tender day indeed . . . Sorry the moms in your life are enduring some trying chapters. I wil be thinking of you and them in the next days.

    ReplyDelete
  13. How awful. you really did had a tough weekend. Your mother is fortunate to have you as a daughter. I hope things are looking a little brighter today.
    Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  14. oh, no! I applaud you for going forth and being a strong advocate for her. Time and time again, I have seen the elderly pushed aside, for more ambulatory patients. I had a friend, who had to threaten media attention for his father, as he was told, he "was going to die" anyway!

    I also have a nursing friend who has noticed some of the young up and coming nursing staff, to be more "technical" and less hands on, and compassionate. I have also noted that younger people who have been raised to be the "it" child in the family have a harder time recognizing putting the patient first. All of that compiled with the regular uproar in the medical field of being shorthanded has given these nurses a harder job to do, to lend themselves in being compassionate.

    I appreciate nursing. The last time I was in the ER, I had the most wonderful caring nurse...it was amazing.

    Take care of your mama! I hope things go well for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Prayers go out to you and your family and hoping that with all the love and caring they are seeing a brighter day.

    ReplyDelete
  16. As you say, being older and older, we lose more than we ever considered, respect, dignity, someone to really listen. Your mother was gifted with a daughter who takes care of her with the same love that you gave her when she was your young , agile, quick thinking mom .. you are both so lucky.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Chania, this is the most difficult of times and you have aptly expressed the feelings of those involved - I believe you have even conveyed your mother's feelings through your sensitive instincts regarding her care, especially at this time. I hope things go well on both sides of the ocean, as well as they can. Dignity is not something a lot of people consider when dealing with the elderly and your mom is lucky to have someone making sure hers remains intact. Ann

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. She's been such a fighter and I'm sending my prayers that she'll bounce back. You're an amazing daughter to fight for her and the dignity for the elderly. Growing old is never easy and everyone just wants to be treated with sensitivity and compassion. Big hugs xo

    ReplyDelete
  19. So sorry to hear about your mother and mother-in-law. Testing times indeed. I'm so glad that they have such a strong, compassionate and loving person in their lives such as you, fighting their corner. My thoughts are with you.
    Paula x

    ReplyDelete
  20. Chania.....I am so sorry to hear of this. I am sending good thoughts and prayers for your sweet mothers dignity and health.....as well as for you and your family in being strong and supportive for them. Good thoughts to you my dear....you clearly are such a compassionate person....
    Andrea

    ReplyDelete
  21. you have my full sympathy! with both of my parents in the hospital this week, I'm feeling the same strain. supporting their end-of-life wishes is a huge balancing act. good luck with it all! I'll be praying.

    DeeDee
    www.KidNeedsAKidney.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  22. Chania...my heartfelt good wishes to you mama for a speedy recovery.
    ...and on the question of dignity for the elderly...we should all take a leaf out of Angus and Wilf's book at
    Wilf the PON discovers France.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Good bikes shops in london
    Excellent Working Dear Friend Nice Information Share all over the world.God Bless You.
    used bicycles london

    ReplyDelete

I love to read each and every comment and are thrilled that you take the time to send one. Thank you so much. Chania